Essay Feedback

We had tutorials on the first drafts of my essay, mine was not completely finished but I was a roughly a third of the way through.

(the first few pages of my essay)

I was happy with the feedback I got, there was nothing majorly wrong.

I got told to:

• To reword my essay title

• Rework my intro

• Find more theorists

• Talk about a specific influencer - Kylie Jenner?

• Sort out referencing

• Move section on history/vogue later - have the stats first

• Find quotes from platform owners saying what they are going to do to change, if anything

My new essay title means I am still talking about the same thing, it just sounds a lot better.

Is social media having an effect upon personal perception amongst adolescences?